Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
