I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
vagina is talking i cant
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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