He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
