I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
