I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
