But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
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