I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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