I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
50% drunk capacity currently
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
