Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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