nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
