honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
