I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
