The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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