Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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