When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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