mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My life is pants optional.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
