I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
