you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
