Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Boobs speak an international language.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
