I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
