so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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