he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
