Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize