I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
