you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
