So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
