Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
