look no pants
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
