theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
