I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
