my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
