I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
