and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize