using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
