I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you had me at cake vodka
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
