Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
