im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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