Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
