Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
