new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
