I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
