my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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