i think my tv is drunk
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
