remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
