I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
