Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
