dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
