i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am naked and annoyed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
