i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The Olympian is in my bed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
