After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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