just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
