...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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