Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
