I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
