my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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