is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
