I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
