the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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