dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
