I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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