My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
