Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
