some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
