I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
