A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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